The door to the room swings open with a bang, and a modern-day knight clad in black leather strides in. Helmet clutched in one hand and riding gloves in the other, this guy works his way across the room as your friend leans over and whispers “this guy rides.” Instinctively, you knew this to be true. His entire aura just reeks of motor oil and gasoline.
You see, riding a motorcycle isn’t just “some hobby.” It’s a way of life. A pact between man, machine, and the endless open road, and you’ll want to make sure that everyone knows it. If you’re new to riding, here’s how you let everyone within 5 miles of you know that you ride a motorcycle.
All Exhaust, All the Time
Loud pipes save lives, brother, and you want to make sure that everyone knows it. Your exhaust should thunder up and down the avenue everywhere you go. When you hit the open plains of Texas, neighboring communities should drop to their knees and look to the heavens in preparation for the greatest rainstorm they’ve ever seen. Car windows should shake in their frames as you go hurtling past them on the highway.
Your pipes shouldn’t be the only thing blowing hot air. Any time you pull over, make sure to tell your fellow riders, and to let innocent bystanders know that your pipes have been specially fitted to your bike to maximize its volume. Of course, your hearing will be so damaged by the noise of your pipes that you’ll have to yell at everyone to hear yourself, but that’s fine, it’ll make sure that no one misses a word you have to say.
Wear Nothing but Leather
A solid leather jacket is like a second skin to real riders. Distressed by tens of thousands of miles of riding, clad from top to bottom in illegible patches that mean nothing to no one, your leather jacket is more than just a garment ─ it’s your entire persona.
As such, it should never leave your body. Ever. Showers? Make sure you use leather soap. Getting married? You’re already wearing a black jacket, brother. Is it 115 degrees Fahrenheit in the shade and you’re mere seconds from passing out from heatstroke? That’s fine, you’re already dressed for your own funeral.
Grow a Beard to Help You Ride Faster
It’s scientifically proven that a beard is one of the easiest and most organic ways to get your bike to go faster. Which scientists proved this? Why the fine scholars of the road, brother. Why do you think so many Iron Butt veterans all rock triumphant facial hair? Whether you’re rocking a beard that would make ZZ Top tremble in their boots, or you’ve got a mustache that put Victorian gentleman to shame, each and every strand of hair on your face gently caresses the wind as it goes by, limiting drag, adding raw speed to your ride.
The fact is, beards are for everyone. Doesn’t matter if you’re a man, woman, dog, or something else entirely. Let your facial hair run free and own it. You and your fellow riders will thank you for it.
Start on the Biggest Motorcycle Possible
Remember, real riders go big or go home. Are you brand new to riding motorcycles? Then, brother, listen to this. The only place a 250cc bike belongs is at your safety course. The minute you get your license endorsed with that “M,” you should “M”-power yourself to go out and buy a bike with 6 times the capacity and power. Only the dulcet tones of a massive literbike can establish you as a real rider. Never mind that it weighs three times what you do and that you can’t confidently move it around the garage without dropping it.
You look awesome and that’s all that matters.
Once you’ve got this gravel grappling monster in your possession, make sure to drive it around as often as you can and park it in the most inconvenient manner possible. Is there designated motorcycle parking downtown? Forget that man, park it in a full-sized space uncomfortably close to the sidewalk so that cars won’t see it until they pull in to park.
Speak with Disdain About Car Drivers
Never mind that you should take more care while riding a motorcycle in traffic, channel your blind rage toward the car drivers around you. After all, it’s their fault that you had to change lanes back there when they were going just one mile below the speed limit.
As a committed motorcycle rider, each and every time you step into the saddle of your ride, you should be prepared for war with the cagers that occupy the road around you. Yes, occupy, because we all know that the open highway was made for two wheels, not four. Communicate your disdain for car drivers through the medium of threatening glares, aggressively cranking the throttle at red lights, and peeling out through every intersection.
Visit Ruhnke’s in Odessa
Sound a little cliche? That’s because this post was all meant in jest! The fact is, the easiest way to let others know that you ride is to do just that! Motorcycling is a diverse and welcoming community that embraces riders of all kinds and skill levels. Ready to get on a bike of your own? Drop by Ruhnke’s Xtreme Cycles in Odessa today. We carry the brands you’re looking for, like Harley Davidson, Honda, and BMW. Drop by today to see our selection of new and used motorcycles in Odessa.